I Need You More…

…more than yesterday. I need you more, more than words than say. I need you more, than ever before. I need you more, I need you more…

Well…my goodness I have a bunch to talk about. I suppose I should start with words in regards to what I wrote about 2 weeks ago:

Firstly, I just want to say thank you to everyone. Thank you for your prayers, encouragement and concern. I literally cannot express to you how much that it has all meant. So, thank you.
When I wrote my last blog entry, I was at a low point. I also realized, through talking with my Gramma, that one of the reasons why it took me so long to write again was because I didn’t know what to say, nor what would be appropriate to say (if I could say it at all). There was such a long break inbetween my updates because I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t know how to ask for your prayers. I had built this idea in my head that I can’t show my weaknesses and that I can’t ask for help because I’m in a position of leadership; because I’m serving cross-culturally as a missionary.

However, that night actually (the night I updated my blog)…a whole lot of things happened. I’ll only share the after affects of that night, and how I have started changing since because many of the details I would like to keep between me and those whom I talked with. Basically, at about 11:30 at night, I ran over to Drew’s house to talk with him about what was on my heart. What came out of that conversation was this: TRUST GOD. Just do it. It is hard and it is scary, but once you do it…once you give up everything…the amount of weight lifted off your shoulders, the amount of hope you have, the amount of faith in God you realize you have…it’s simply amazing. Just stop being so dang stubborn and give it all over to God. We have to TRUST God. He knows everything. We have to TRUST in Him, we have to TRUST God in what will happen. There’s nothing that we as humans can do…but through prayer…with hope…in faith…we can TRUST God. Everything is going to be alright. We have to TRUST God. And we have to trust that everything will be alright because we TRUST God.

I cannot put into words what I went through that night. Sure, I can sum up what was said, but to explain the emotional, physical and spiritual roller coaster I went through…I can’t. All I know is this, I was at one of my lowest points when I went to Drew’s…but I left praying every second, “God, I Trust you. I believe in you. I have faith in you. I have faith in what will happen. God, I trust you…” and over and over and over again. I left with the personal challenge to say, “NO. STOP.” to any and all negative thoughts that crept into my mind. I had been, for a very long time, been letting the negativity of life “rule me.” I became so secluded and cut off, because it’s hard for me to trust people. I’ve since realized that people are people–there’s always a chance we’ll screw up or cut one another down…but that’s just one of the risks we have to take in this life–trusting people, and hoping that that won’t happen.

I realize, that all of this only happened 2 weeks ago…and I’m still only in the beginning stages of processing this/turning over a new leaf. But it’s amazing how much freer I feel. It’s amazing how including daily time in the Word and journaling can open your eyes, ears and your heart to what God may be trying to say to you. (Journaling has always been a kind of escape for me, as well as a mode of communication with God–just writing prayers and thoughts and whatever else is on my mind…coming to conclusions about different things and having my eyes opened to others…I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to you…haha…but if you’re a fellow journaler, maybe you know what I’m saying?) =)

So…there’s all of that. I would like to continue asking for your prayers. Prayers for strength to continue my daily time with God; courage to continue my work here and to look all the negativity in the face and shout “STOP!”; patience as I continue learning about the culture, and continue my diving into it; and finally, peace within myself. It’s as though my heart has pumped harder and faster ever since I let everything go and decided to Trust God [again]…I’m a changing for the better, and there’s a war going on inside of me because of it…Pray that I will “…forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead, pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” So that at the end of my life I can look back and say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” and that Jesus might say, “Well don, good and faithful servant.” (Philippians 3:13,14; 2 Timothy 4:7; Matthew 25:21,23).

Oh, real quickly I just wanted to clear up a small question that several of you have sent my way: Small groups. Just to clarify, I am not the one leading the idea of small groups. The idea came from the leadership of the church. The idea of small groups is not a new one here, but there are several jovens who are opposed (though there are also several who are ecstatic about it!) Some of you had raised questions in regards to changing/going against the culture flow here…so I wanted to let you know: Yes, I will be a leader of one of the small groups, but NO, I did not come up with it, nor did I persuade the leaders to start implementing small groups. I do believe that where ever you are, small groups can be an effective tool in ministering and developing spiritually; thus, I am 110% behind small groups. =)

OK…SO, now to update you on “things I’ve done” over the past couple of weeks…

Two weekends ago was Camp…here are a few–or several–pictures! =)

Night 1: Waiting in line for dinner.

Day 1: We started it off with a little walk before chapel.

“Waking Up”

Here’s a view from the back of everybody.

This was in the afternoon…there was a game involving paint–and this is the after-effects…though you can’t see the paint very well, because pretty much everybody cleaned up. haha.

Just chillin in the afternoon–chatting it up and watching the boys play soccer on the field below. =)

Night 2: Costume Party!
Ok, I realize that NONE of you have any idea as to what we’re dressed up as, but there is a TV show here called “Chaves.” Basically–it’s made up of these characters, all adults, though three of the adults are playing children…I think it was originally a Mexican show that was brought here and dubbed over in Portuguese. I don’t think it’s that funny…but I dressed up as the character “Dona Florinda” anyway. hahaha…here’s a link to a full episode that you can watch…if you want to…but it’s in Portuguese…but you can watch a little bit of it to get a gist of the characters. =) hahaa…

This is us entering in to a song and dance that was done on the show…=)

Friends, friends and more friends…here are a couple of pictures with dressed up people. =)

Yes, that is Captain America sitting in the front, but no, he does not speak English. hahaha

Day 2: Lunch

My Small Group. =)

There was another game on Sunday afternoon, and the end of it involved swimming a tube across the lake, meeting your teammate in the middle, and switching. I volunteered because I love swimming in lakes…

…though everyone kept telling me, “You’ll come out with an extra arm!” haha

Night 3: Sunset

Sunday night at church (night 3) us jovens led the service. I was asked to give the Communion meditation…so here I am…giving my first ever Communion meditation–in Portuguese. =)

I was shaking so badly after I finished that after I drank the juice, I could barely put the cup back in the tray. hahaha.

….and that was camp!
_______________

This past Thursday was a holiday here…I’m not exactly sure for what…but it was. Anywho, a few of us went to one of the parks here and had a picnic! It was amazing…we left at about 9 in the morning and didn’t come back until 3ish. Here are some pictures from that!:

Setting up our site!…as the boys get out the football.

Here’s Kayla & Fernanda

Ta-da! Complete will teacups and saucers! it was the fanciest picnic I’ve ever been to. =)

Here’s Magno, Lucas and Drew (and Ingryd on the ground).

mmm..melon. haha

Nap time! I think I slept for about an hour or so. haha

Anna (Magno’s wife, they’re parents of Fernanda and Ingryd)

Oh you know, just reading some “Chronicles of Narnia”

It was a great day! I don’t have any pictures of us playing football…but did…for about an hour and a half and I’m pretty sure we all got sunburnt. haha.
________________

Friday night, I joined Débora, her mom, and her aunt and uncle for a concert. We went to see Thalles Roberto and he was awesome! Let me tell you just a little bit about the night…we got there about 8ish (when the whole thing was supposed to start), but it didn’t until about 8:30…then there 3 different bands/performers that went on first, interluded by announcements and give-aways and talking about church. (A church here called, “Videira” organized the whole event/concert). So…by the time Thalles really went on to sing, it was about 11:30. hahahha…but he was great and the place we were at was PACKED. Here are a couple of pictures:

See? What did I tell ya?

Here’s the man of the evening himself…

…and another…

Yea!! We’re so tired! hhaha…

Here’s a link to a song of his…it’s quite popular down here at the moment:

We didn’t leave until around 1:30am, and Déb told me that it was going to go on until 4am! HA! Oh, Brazilian life. haha…

WHAT’S DIFFERENT IN BRAZIL #27:

One quick little piece of info for you guys…there were several people there that night that “spoke in tongues.” I come from a church where I’ve never heard anyone “speak in tongues” nor claim to possess this gift. I haven’t heard it in the church I attend here either, but both the “possession” of this gift as well as the use of it are common here in Brazil. At the Thalles Roberto concert, I heard many a person “speaking in tongues.” Now, I won’t express my opinion on speaking in tongues right now, I just want to show you what it sounded like when they were “using” their gift…

–this is meant to be a joke, so please don’t be offended by it whatever your opinions/beliefs about “speaking in tongues are”…but seriously, that is the exact noise that came out of the woman’s mouth two rows in front of me. =)

ANYWHO…after an extremely long update…I shall leave you. I do hope that you’ve enjoyed today’s blog entry…and thanks for reading it to the end! =)

Peace and Love,

Dani

There are many things I’d like to say to you…

…but I don’t know how…

Hello friends and family and even the strangers out there!

I realize that I haven’t updated in a while, but I didn’t realize HOW long ago it was until just now. I apologize for my lack of communications with ya’ll on the main land. This past month has been a little bit of a crazy one–and by crazy, I don’t exactly mean an extremely busy one (though it has been a little of that). It’s been filled with work, prayer, doubts, preparing for Rafa’s return to the states for the next two months (he left yesterday), planning classes, questions, reading, traveling by bus, and so much more.

We just entered into the last stretch of school…only 4 weeks left! I can’t believe it. I feel like I have so much left to teach (especially in my New Testament class), but I only have 3 weeks to teach it! We’re finishing Hebrews this week, and I still have to teach James & Revelation, so as long as my students show up for every class, we should be good to go…but it’ll still be a little rough. (Remember, it’s just a basics class on the NT, no horribly in depth classes about the books, which I do find unfortunate, because there is so much to be taught from the NT, and to fit the majority of it into one semester…yikes). This semester has gone by extremely quickly. It’s hard to believe that the semester started three months ago…has this year passed anyone else by?

Like I already said, Rafa left for the states yesterday. He should be arriving in New York at some point today. I ask for prayers for him. He’s gone to do more support raising, both for himself as well as for the school. The school is in desperate need of support (paying bills; purchasing instruments, books, and other needed items; simply staying in the “positive” every month). Pray that both individuals and churches will open their hearts to our needs/our school. Another prayer request that I ask in regards to Rafa, is for him personally. His father passed away a couple of weeks ago from Pancreatic Cancer. Not only has he been preparing for his state-side trip, but he’s also been mourning the loss of his father. Please, keep him in your prayers.

For myself, I need prayers in all areas of my life. I’ve been dealing with struggle after struggle…doubt after doubt. A verse that I have been meditating over/have been constantly reminded with is Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” I have been struggling with life here. I know that’s completely vague, if you would like to know details, feel free to email me!

I just…I feel so confused in my purpose: how long will I be here? Am I doing any good? Am I changing anything? Is this all for naught? Will our students/Are our students growing and changing and learning?

I’ve always had the opinion/mindset that where ever you are, you need to be involved in the church. It’s something that I’ve stood by for a long time…but I’m struggling with that here. And I can’t discern if the reason for why I’m struggling so much with it. In the church here, I am helping with the jovens (my age group). I’m/I will be when it starts, a small group leader. Small groups is a new idea for the church here, and many of the jovens are actually against it…I have been involved in a couple of conversations with different people about the importance and difference of the small groups…but I suppose we shall really just have to wait and see. Even in this small opposition, against something that hasn’t even begun yet, I’m just really doubting my usefulness here.

Maybe I’m still experiencing different aspects of culture shock, maybe I’m just really missing different parts of home/the states. I’m trying to be careful in not highlighting the “good parts” of home and the “bad parts” here…which in turn makes home seem so much more inviting and Brazil so much more discomforting.

Again, these are only a few of things that I have been constantly pondering. Please, please, keep me in your prayers. I need clarity. I need discernment. I need a little hope.

—–

Maybe these are words that you don’t exactly want to hear from a missionary.
…but I’m broken…and struggling…but keeping my eyes set on the goal the entire time–> our school. my students. my classes. the goal(s) we have for our students. the purpose of our school. Keeping my eyes on the goal has been easy, it’s been dealing/facing/living with all the stuff in between that has been chipping away at me…and not in a good way.

—-
WHAT’S DIFFERENT IN BRAZIL #26:
The time.

I’m sure (or at least I hope) that you know there is a time difference between where you live and where I live. From you folks in the CST, I am 2 hours ahead of you (for you others in other time zones…I’m sure you can figure out the time difference off that information). =) HOWEVER, in your fall in the US and our spring here in Brazil, the time will change again…we’ll then be FOUR hours ahead. Because–in your fall, the time goes backwards and our spring…the time goes forward==4 HOURS AHEAD. haha…do you get it? =)

It’s kind of strange, because half of the year I can catch my family/friends whenever I want, but for the other half (when we’re 4 hours apart), there’s actual planning involved because of the difference.

Anywho, now you’ve learned a little something new–both about Brazil, as well as myself. If you have any questions, just email me. If you have any comments, feel free to leave them on here! Again, I ask for your prayers for myself, Drew, Rafa, the school and our lives here in general.

Peace and Love,

Dani

“Darcy’s Letter”

There are no lyrics to the music I’m currently listening to. It’s the title for the song that’s being played right now…I’m listening to the “Pride and Prejudice” soundtrack. =)

So, today’s blog entry comes from a request from my Momma! She suggested I tell you what I do in an average day, so today’s entry will be my Wednesday–April 11…both in pictures and captions! =) Enjoy!

WHAT’S DIFFERENT IN BRAZIL #25:

(It’s around 9:30am)…This is how I start my day. An immediate use of the bathroom, including brushing my teeth & washing my face.

Mmm…water! It’s my lifesource. This is the second thing I do everyday! =)

Breakfast!! Today it happens to be butter & blackberry jam on toasted pão de frances (“french bread”)…but not really french bread.

I enjoy my breakfast/wake up today by watching the latest episode of “Once Upon A Time.” (it was such a nail biter!)

I then spend about 1 1/2 hours finishing writing my New Testament Mid-term. (I worked on it pretty much all day Tuesday)…

I spend the next hour or so writing my English 2 final & writing/finalizing my lesson plan for class that night!

Now that my work at home is done, time to go to the grocery store!

I bought only the essentials. =)

…and it rained on me on my walk home…=(

At this point in the day…it’s about 2pm…I’ve contracted a head ache/neck ache, so I take some meds and try to nap it off…

Unfortunately I woke up, still with a headache…but I get ready to go to work. Sooo..I took a shower! =)

Ta-da! Ready to go!…almost:

I have to pack my lunch/dinner, first!

No, the toast I ate for breakfast was not the only thing I had eaten since around 10 that morning…here is the remnants of what I snacked on throughout the rest of the morning/early afternoon (so healthy!)

I’m finally ready to go! (It’s about 4:45ish now)…so I catch the bus to the terminal. Here’s what I’m looking at! (Standing in the front of the bus).

Here’s a view of how packed it was…though you can’t see two more people standing next to me on my right, nor the plexi-glass wall I’m squished against on my left, nor the 7 year old-ish boy kneeling on the floor in front of me. =)

I made it to the terminal! Yes, that is a man with a pole of cotton-candy. haha…Now I’m in line waiting for my bus to come…

I had to be sneaky taking pictures…it’s dangerous to pull out anything of worth at the terminal, for fear that someone would come over and steal it…so I had my phone out (both here at the terminal & on the bus) and was very sneaky with it. hahaha.

My bus came! Here’s a view looking out my window on the bus, still inside the terminal.

And here’s a view from my seat looking towards the front.

Just got off–there goes my bus!

After getting off the bus, I have to walk about 3 minutes until I get to the church! By the time I arrive, it’s almost 5:45 (about an hour after I first went to the bus stop).

“Working hard” with Rafa when I first get there…=)

Get a little bit more work done while listening to a voice and piano lesson.

Before our classes start Drew, Deb and I decide to head to the feira (or street fair) to get something to eat for dinner. Here’s a view of what it looks like from the inside…

The feira is full of “booths” like this. Clothes, shoes, pants, bathing suits, underwear, jewelry, perfume, hats, purses, etc…

Then you get to the middle, and it’s full of food booths…here they’re making “meat sticks”. SOOO delicious!

These guys are making tapioca. It’s different than what we’re used to in the states…but I still don’t like it. haha.

Theses guys were making my “pastel.” A chicken and cheese filled fried-pastry…delicious! =)

Chow time. =)

So excited! hahaa.

Here’s another table (which the feira has an abundance of)–homemade chocolates!

And yet another…of cakes!

And one more…after I took the first one of them, he wanted me to come behind and take another picture like this…hilarious! And I got a free bite of cake! =)

I first had an English class with a student named Danilo. After our class was over, I went to choir (which is the picture above).

After choir there’s about a 20 minute break, and then I have my English 2 class. Here are my students (from left to right) Ezekiel, Wanessa, Sheila, Célia, and Lya

Finally, after a long day, I get to go home! =)

I told Tia Ivani about my blog update, so she insisted on taking my picture whilst washing the dishes…hahhaha.

It’s a little after 11pm at this point…so I’m thinking I’m gonna wrap up my day with hot tea and a couple of crackers…

…while watching some Brazilian soap opera with Tia…

…but I got a call from Drew, so I went over to his, Rafa & Preston’s apartment to hang out for a bit.

This is a view off their balcony…if you see the “white line” on the left of the picture–that’s my apartment complex. So I literally live about a 45 second walk from them. haha.

Here are Preston & Drew.

After an episode of “Arrested Development,” Preston went to bed and Drew and I watched a few episodes of a new [to us] anime series called “Blood+”. hahhaa…we’re geeks, but that’s ok. hahhhaa.

Here’s a view from my walk home. =)

Now it’s about 2am, and it’s finally time to go to bed!

————————————————
So there you have it folks! My day average day wrapped up into almost 50 pictures! I hope you enjoyed “living a day” with me. =) So…until next time!

Peace and Love,

Dani

King of Kings, and Lord of Lords…

Yes, as a matter of fact I do have Hendel’s “Messiah: Hallelujah Chorus” stuck in my head at the moment. I have an excellent explanation for that: our choir here at our school is singing it, and we had practice tonight. Haha…it’ll be stuck in my head until I go to bed tonight, for sure. =)

How were the past couple of weeks for ya’ll? For me, it’s been crazy. Last week I only came to work twice because I had constantly had the feeling that I needed to vomit, and my neck & head hurt like crazy! My neck and head still hurt, even after much med-taking…but the nausea has for the most part vanished, but I’m still being plagued by this cursed head/neck ache.

Saturday I had a bbq at my apartment. Thankfully I felt well throughout the morning/early afternoon…which was the trend throughout the week (feeling fine in the morning until about 2 or 3, then it just went downhill). There were about 20ish people that came. It was gooooood food. We had different cuts of beef steak and pork sausage, rice, tomato salad and mandioca. It did rain on us towards the end, but it was a nice cool-off kind of rain, since it had been extremely hot!

I realize that I haven’t posted many pictures lately, so here is a picture-library-update for you! =) :

In February we, the jovems, went to COMIC. It’s a Christian conference for our age group. It’s in a different city every year, and this year we went to Vianopolis. Here are a few pics from it…

Here are a couple of pictures from the place we stayed in during COMIC. It’s a Missionary “get-away” Compound. It used to be used for Missionaries that would come to Brazil. They would here to get acquainted with the culture, learn Portuguese, and yet stayed in an American-stylized house with other Americans. They had a school for kids, a library, and about 20 or so houses for the families that would come. I toured this place during my first trip to Brazil two years ago. These pictures may remind some of you LOST fans of the “others” houses and where they lived. Since this, too, was fenced in and incredibly out of place in its surroundings. Unfortunately I found no other LOST fans there that could share in my excitement about it. hahaha…so, here you go:

=)

Here are a couple of sky-scape pictures that I took on the way home from COMIC that I found quite pretty…maybe you will, too?

Here are a few pictures from different birthday parties, the circus, and “just because” pics:

This was one of the “birthday cakes.” It wasn’t sweet…it was actually made of bread, carrots, chicken, peas, etc. and “iced” with mashed potatoes. Hahahaha…it wasn’t bad, and actually quite smart. Because you feed & “give dessert” to your guests all at once!

This is at the bus terminal. There are traveling cows that travel all around Brazil. It’s some kind of art project…anywho, on our way to the circus, Karen took a picture of Pat and me with the “Hippie” Cow. =) hahahaa.

It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life, but it was fun and enjoyable all the same. The show opened with these clowns singing and dancing. =)

And here’s just a couple random pictures that were taken after Deb curled my hair…with a straightener! It’s crazy, but they stayed in pretty well, even without hairspray…=)

WHAT’S DIFFERENT IN BRAZIL #24:
Since it is the beginning of the Passion Week, I thought I would explain a couple of cultural differences in how we celebrate “Easter.” I put “Easter” in quotation marks, because I’ll be talking about the holiday weekend and some traditions that are celebrated here, not necessarily dealing with the death and resurrection of Jesus (though of course how extremely important is that! This is the time where practically the whole world focuses attention on the Son of God, how He selflessly died on the cross for us, He became sin that we might become His righteousness–2 Corinthians 5:21).

One of the differences in our cultures is the chocolates we buy…for example, in the US, we could possible receive something like this:

OR

Here in Brazil, they don’t have chocolate bunnies (very sad) nor the tradition of Easter baskets…but what you could possibly receive here could be one of these:

And in any/all stores here, you can walk under a “ceiling” of this:

hundreds upon hundred of different types of chocolate eggs. Different brands. Different flavors. Different fillings…so many options!!!

I am a big fan of traditions. So having to give up what I’ve done annually for certain things is not easy…but, I’m really okay giving up the chocolate bunny for the chocolate egg. =) hahahaha.

Anywho, I do hope that you all have a blessed week. Remember the Passion. Remember the sacrifice. Remember His death. More importantly, Remember His life. Remember His resurrection. Remember that His death was not in vain. Sunday CAME, He rose from the grave, Satan was conquered and our God Is GOOD!!! What on earth is more important than that?!

Thanks again for stopping by. I hope that ya’ll are well. Please continue praying for Drew, Rafa, me and the school. We’re always in need of prayers. And trust me when I say, we can see and feel the power of prayer here. =) Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!

Peace and Love,

Dani